... to do a lot of things actually. At first I dared to tell my dear dare friend a bunch of private things. I could feel that she was a person I could talk to but in one way I'm not used to talk about myself in that sort of way. I'm quite outgoing and can easily speak to people but to get to know me is harder. It's difficult for me to trust people and tell them about my true feelings and thoughts. It's hard for me to talk to people about my weakness, wich I by the way have a real problem accepting. It's not OK for me to be weak or show others that i feel weak. I'm alway scared that people will laugh at me or think that I'm making a big issue of things that aren't big.
I know a lot of poeple, but I have a few very close friends. I've started to get more personal with the people I meet that I think I know I can trust. My dear dare friend is one of my true friends that know a bunch of stuff about me. I'm glad that I could talk to her and that she didn't judge me. So that was one big thing that I dared to do and I don't feel empty like I somethimes do after I've spoken a lot about myself.
The other thing I dared to do, I did friday night while I was hanging out with a very good friend who also have been an boyfriend of mine. I dared to ask him why he'd broken up with me and we talked it through again. He said many nice and honest things and that made me glad. If he would have liked to have a girlfriend right now he would like me to be his girlfriend. But he's happy of the way things are right now. I think that's he's affraid because he knows what he gots but doesn't know what he might get.
It's sad, because in one way I still like him and he makes me feel very secure and happy. And he doesn't know that it's very important for me to still have your own life even though you are together with some one. But I'm proud that I've talked with him about my feelings even though I got a negative answere. He doesn't want to see me as a girlfriend right now... and maybe never but he likes me a lot any way.
It's been a good weekend, I've dared to do a lot of things and even though I feel very fat today I've been out among people and I ate lunch at a café. I tried not to think how my stomach looked in the clothes that I was wearing... but I did anyway. We went for a really long and refreshing walk. When we came home we made this blog because we need it so baaaadly and desperately! While my dear dare friend blogged I did some workout at home.
It's better to do something than nothing. And until I'm totaly (of at least more) secure of myself I will still fake it until I make it and try to be more nice too myself.
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