Dear diary today I dared to...

... flirt with someone I acctually have chemistry with and that I sort of like in a way. I start from the beginning.

Last zaturday I worked out on the streets by night. We have this market every year and that's a time when many young people drink alcohol. So we are alway out working then. Anyway i worked with this nice policeman. H´'s helped me before with policem mathers especially when my neighbor got crazy and ever since then he's been really kind to me.

We worked together in a couple of cases that evening and last night I thought that I maybe should thank him for a good communication and work and stuff so this morning I sent him a textmessage saying: thank u for zaterday evening. It's nice working with you and I would like to work like that more often and in the end I wrote hug.

And acctually it wasn't that hard. Because if you feel chemistry. you'll have it. Chemeistry you can only feel if its two feeling it... I think that if one feel chemistry the other does it too. But somethimes people get affraid to act on it because they only think negative thoughts and that is acctually mostly their problem!

And we have it. Anyway I didn't got a answere until after lunch and the funny thing was that i acctually rn in to him under lunch. He had a emergency case up at our work place so I walked buy him while he was talking on the phone. God! what a wibe!!

Anyway after his meeting i got this really nice textmessage back and I felt like a teenager... I was blushing, feeling dizzy, swetty and just stupidly smiling. And I wasn't at all listening to what my colluege was tellig me about at that moment.

I get happy when I see him. And he wrote back to me: It should be me that's thanking you. It's a pleasure working with you. I can always trust you - you are like a rock. I hope I'll get to work more with you in the future. I always get happy when I see you and today you made my day again. Hug

I don't know where that came from but I just knew that I needed to take a chans and send him something. Because I've felt a wibe for quite a while now. :)

And I've gained some happiness and boost! I haven't lost anything at all (yet)

Dear diary, yesterday I dared...

... to admit to myself that I needed help. This week I was supposed to leave for my trip to another city to do interviews for my thesis. However, last weekend was quite filled with two parties and this resulted in waking up with a huge cold and flu on Sunday. Just when you don't need it.....I had to cancel the interviews as I sounded like a person high on drugs.

For me this was the so-called last drop. Next to feeling sick, I felt like a looser not being able to be strong and just do the right things to finish my thesis. Some time ago I had been advised to go to a person called 'haptonomist'. This is a kind of personal coach who tries to balance your body and mind. Many athletes actually use the help of these kind of coaches.

I was very lucky because I could meet my coach today already. And this felt so good! I have talked for an hour and everything came out: my frustrations, fears...The nice thing is that the sessions are a combination of talking and touching (mind & body). I know it sounds weird but this really works.

The funny thing that came out of the first talk was that I have been treated all my life as 'that sweet little girl' by people and that I also act like that.I am so fed up with that, there is so much more! So from next week with the help of my coach I am going to change that. Don't know how though...Any suggestions?