Dear Diary, last weeks I dared to…

…think that there are actually guys that are attracted to me. But that these guys always turn out NOT to be my type. So I think we have a problem here.

Here is the story of two weeks ago. (I have to warn you, it’s complicated)
I went to a birthday party of two of my friends: let’s call them W. and D. (they are a couple) It was in the middle of nowhere because W. is a veterinarian and therefore he has to live on the countryside. They organized a barbeque and there were about 30 people. As it would be difficult to get home afterwards, almost everyone stayed over in tents or slept on the floor and couches.
I went to the party with two other friends who are a couple (T. and A.). I think you heard about them when I told you about that night when they decided to stay over at a friend’s place because otherwise I would be alone with him (which I absolutley didn’t want). They are so nice and I really trust them. This time again I would be sleeping together with them in the living room and again: another guy would sleep there on the couch….I have to say I got a déja-vu when I heard someone would be joining us but anyway…
I think I also told you that W. already when I met him for the first time (as the new boyfriend of D. ) tried to arrange a blind-date for me with a friend of his because he really thought I needed a boyfriend. I was so irritated by that!
So this was actually the second time that I met W. and I was a little bit afraid that he would again try to hook me up with someone.
Anyway, the party was very nice. But the weatherforecast had been pretty bad and at some point the sky turned black and there came a terrible wind from the fields right over the spot where we had the party. As W.’s house is very little we had to hide under the partytents outside. Because of the terrible wind for half and hour we were all hanging at those tents to prevent them from being blown away. Must have been a funny picture. But when I was hanging there a guy came standing next to me helping me and offering to get me food and so on…And from that moment he came standing next to me and talking to me whenever he could. He was absolutley not unattractive but I got so tired of this, especially because his talk was very stupid as he obviously had a hard time trying to find topics to talk about (and I was not helping him of course hihi). My friend A. noticed this too and also got annoyed by it. Then I saw the guy going to W. and I noticed that they were clearly talking about me. So I think that was the point that he got to know I was single (he already tried to get that out of me, but I kept giving vague answers).
And then came the worst thing: I found out that he was the guy that would be sleeping on the couch! At some point quite some people had gone to bed and I decided I would go too so I would be asleep when he would go to bed. T. and A. also were still up so I was the only one in the living room. But then, when I just went to bed, he came into the room and asked if I was asleep. Then he started a whole conversation and asked if I had gone to bed because I was tired of his talking ( I should have said YES, but I was too polite) Luckily my friend A. had noticed he had gone inside and decided to go to bed too because she knew I didn’t like him and that I was alone with him. So when she came in he finally stopped the conversation and went to sleep. The next morning I did everything to avoid him.
So I hoped that was it. Well…it was NOT.
He managed to get my e-mail from D. At the party he mentioned something about a list with 43 things he wanted to do in his life. He thought I should fill in that list too and attached his list to the e-mail. The e-mail was just saying things like ‘how are you’ and also if I wanted to fill in the list. I hate lists so I wouldn’t do it anyway, but I also ignored the e-mail and was happy that he didn’t ask me out or something….But I was wrong. A week ago I decided to take a look at the list he send me. And then I saw that he added a number 44: ‘to go somewhere with you and have a drink’. …
I decided to write him back and act like I hadn’t opened the attachment because I was busy and that I wouldn’t fill in the list..Hoping he would get the hint….But he wrote back the same evening saying that filling out the list wouldn’t be compulsory but what he actually wanted to ask was to go out and have a drink with me….
So I don’t know what to do now! What should I write? Should I go out with him while I know he is absolutely not my type? My friend A. wrote me today that she thinks I should send him an e-mail in which I write that he’s not my type. Period.

You know, I still don’t know if this was another trick of W. to find me a boyfriend. If it was, I’m very angry with him because I am totally capable of finding a guy my own. It just takes a little bit longer! But I will find him (and secretly hope it’s the one that I have a crush on….gosh! why couldn’t this have been him instead of a shit-talking guy asking me out!!!)

The problem is that I have had earlier experiences with guys asking me out and me being honest and saying that I wasn’t interested. I always felt so bad about myself when I did that! I always thought: what if I just went out with that guy, maybe he turned out to be actually really nice! But I always stick to my first impression and can’t get rid of that!