Dance says so much more than words...

My dear dear dare angel-colleague! A soundtrack to your previous post about your ex (and because I just love the song and the choreography!)...This is what many guys do: they pull you near and push you away....
In the end they regret but then it is too late. Don't worry, you did the right thing!

Love me if you dare

Dear diary, yesterday I dared

... to tell my ex boyfriend to fuck off! I'll tell the story from the beginning. It's the guy that I've been writing about before. I saw him yesterday we were hangin on the same place, we have mutual friends... So we sat down and I had a smoke. last time I saw him we had a great time and we talked a lot about our feelings towards one and other. The day after I send him a text message which he never anwered. So anyways we sat down talking and for the second time he apologizes for not responding to my text messages. And I said to him:

- Yeah that was strange. We had a nice time and I just asked if you were alright and you don't answere. I was seconds from deleting your number. I felt so stupid.
- Yeah I know, but I just didn't know what to write back to you, because we had such a nice time and all and I didn't want to hurt you. I thought a lot about you after that night we had together.
- I just don't understand how you just don't answere, I would feel really bad if I did the same to you.
- Yeah I felt bad too. Every night for a week I thought about you and what to write back.
- And still you didn't answere. It's not like it was a message with words like love, mariage or kids. It was just : how are you doing? why should I apologize you when you still wont answere the next time?
- I don't know. I just don't want to hurt you.
- I hate those words, what do they mean?? Do you want to fuck and nothing else or just be friends? I don't understand!!
- You are a really nice girl, always kind, sexy and everything. Best friend you could Imagine.
- I like you too and I would really want to be your friend but I can't right now. It hurts too much to meet you, have sex and then try to live on without fooling myself.
- I understand. I just don't want to hurt you. I don't want a girlfriend.

Then I pointed at his shest with my finger and said to him while I stared in his blueblue eyes.

- Just so you know. You blewed a really good shot on a very good girl. And that's me.

I said it in a very calm voice and after that I just walked away. And it felt so good, Even though I cried a bit afterwards it felt nice to finely tell him that he can't use me just because I'm a nice person who also don't want to hurt people. That I'm nice doesn't nesserely make me stupid!

And this morning I deleted his numbers from my cellphone.
I wanted to hurt him, but maybe he just feels relief. But hopefully a little grief too.

Dear diary, this week I dared

...to go to the gym and meet a personal trainer to make a new workout schedule. The pt was a handsome guy with the most beautiful blue eyes you can imagine. A year ago I would have thought this whole situation really difficult, but now I could te3ll him what I was thinking and look him in the eyes.

After we'd sat down in his office we went out in the gym and he showed me diffrent workout metodes. I had to try while he corrected me. Every one else at the gym where staring at me... But I didn't get red in my face and I tried everything he asked for. I was proud!

And I'm also proud because I've desided not longer to hang out with my ex-boyfriend. He doesn't want me and I don't want to get hurt. So that's it!

Is it strange when....

for some reason almost all lyrics of songs you listen too apply to your current state of mind? Or am I just adjusting my mind to the lyrics? (now I'm really starting to understand songwriters)

Dear diary, yesterday I dared...

...to open the replying e-mail from my crush...
Every time I checked my mail I covered my eyes, a little bit scared to see if he had replied. Finally, on monday morning he did. The answer was what I expected: neutral and short. He also liked talking to me again and when I was in town I should let him know so we could go for a coffee. Well, at least he answered and the answer was positive. Still, I keep analyzing things and letting other people analyze. The two people that read his answer actually both said the same: what answer do you expect from an e-mail that is still open to many interpretations? He probably still doesn't know about your special feelings, just that you like talking to him and that you would like to talk to him again. Am I that unclear? I think he at least should be suspicious by now. I gave him so many signs in the past that I was especially interested in him. On the other hand, I have often been told that I am totally blind to signs from guys, so I'm probably not good at sending signs too. Maybe I shouldn't have revised my e-mail at the final moment, making it more neutral. I think he still has no idea...

But of course I am happy that we finally can go for a coffee and that I maybe can get to know him outside the office environment when I'm in town. The only problem left at the moment is: WHEN will I be in this town that is located 1500 km from here?

So true:

'Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear'