...this will be my new motto!
I came across an article which gives 5 steps to break through your singleness. I could not agree more with it!
The 5 steps in short:
1.Let yourself go
2.Get to know people
3.Open your heart
4.Flirt!
5.Dare to take risks
Actually, it's really self-evident....I already KNEW it. But now I have to DO it!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Dear diary...who is playing hard to get?
I have told you about the annoying guy that contacted me on msn after previously asking me out? Well, he obviously doesn’t take no for an answer. Let me give you a short impression of our chat last week. Please note that I NEVER contact him on msn and I sometimes don’t even get the chance to change my status to ‘occupied’ or even ‘offline’.
Be prepared for some hilariousness:
Him: Hi, how are you?
(After some minutes) Me: I’m fine, you?
Him: great, I just started my new job. How is your new life?
*ok, he clearly doesn’t memorize what I tell him because I only said in a previous chat that I was working on some new projects but nothing important. I decide to leave it for a while and start writing some e-mails and other stuff*
Him (only a few minutes later): Hey, why are you not responding? First you contact me and then you don’t say anything! Well, if you don’t want to talk to me then don’t. Or send it to my e-mail.
*this is crazy, I didn’t contact him! and so he mentions his e-mail which absolutely makes no sense!*
Me: Excuse me, but I’m quite busy. Apart from that: I didn’t contact you!
*I switch my status to ‘not there’*
Him: Too late! You can only make up by going for lunch with me.
Me: You are very annoying.
Him: I know.
Him: I give you three minutes to respond.
Me: You are pushing too hard, I don’t like that at all.
* I don’t respond to his question*
Him: Ok, you missed your chance! Now I maybe ask you in a year or so.
Me: That’s fine by me.
* and I left msn*
I am really starting to think that this guy keeps pushing until he gets what he wants. He is quite freaky don’t you think? Did you see how he tried to get me in the position of ‘wanting him’ and him playing ‘hard to get’? What would you have done and what do you think I should do?
Be prepared for some hilariousness:
Him: Hi, how are you?
(After some minutes) Me: I’m fine, you?
Him: great, I just started my new job. How is your new life?
*ok, he clearly doesn’t memorize what I tell him because I only said in a previous chat that I was working on some new projects but nothing important. I decide to leave it for a while and start writing some e-mails and other stuff*
Him (only a few minutes later): Hey, why are you not responding? First you contact me and then you don’t say anything! Well, if you don’t want to talk to me then don’t. Or send it to my e-mail.
*this is crazy, I didn’t contact him! and so he mentions his e-mail which absolutely makes no sense!*
Me: Excuse me, but I’m quite busy. Apart from that: I didn’t contact you!
*I switch my status to ‘not there’*
Him: Too late! You can only make up by going for lunch with me.
Me: You are very annoying.
Him: I know.
Him: I give you three minutes to respond.
Me: You are pushing too hard, I don’t like that at all.
* I don’t respond to his question*
Him: Ok, you missed your chance! Now I maybe ask you in a year or so.
Me: That’s fine by me.
* and I left msn*
I am really starting to think that this guy keeps pushing until he gets what he wants. He is quite freaky don’t you think? Did you see how he tried to get me in the position of ‘wanting him’ and him playing ‘hard to get’? What would you have done and what do you think I should do?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Dear dare-angel:
Welcome to the club!! Do you already feel
more intelligent and respected? ;P
As newly-brunette you should take this quiz
Monday, November 24, 2008
Dear diary...
I finally find a normal guy who is interested in me and that I also find nice. And I meet him a month before he is moving to a place nearly 300 km from here. He meets me and decides that he want to give this place one more shot and tries to get his job back. But gets a NO!
Yesterday I dared to invite him for supper and a movie and I dared to tell him when it was time to go. I'm proud! I feel much more confident right now and a lot is thanks to my colluege but also to my self. He wanted to come to me late tonight but I turned to my heart and asked it what it felt. It was scared for not be able to say goodnight later. I want to get to know this guy in slowmotion and not fastforward everything because I can't say no. That's no longer my behavior.
I feel very scared and nervous around him and said that to him too. Also good for being me :). Now my defenses are kicking in and they are only letting me see all the things that are wrong with me seeing him. But I'm strong and I'm trying to do the opposit of what my fears are telling me to do but still what I want. It's a thin line between theese two.
And today I turned 26 and there is nothing to do about it. Feels good though! Everyone else is also old *mohahahahahah*
That was just a little update!
Yesterday I dared to invite him for supper and a movie and I dared to tell him when it was time to go. I'm proud! I feel much more confident right now and a lot is thanks to my colluege but also to my self. He wanted to come to me late tonight but I turned to my heart and asked it what it felt. It was scared for not be able to say goodnight later. I want to get to know this guy in slowmotion and not fastforward everything because I can't say no. That's no longer my behavior.
I feel very scared and nervous around him and said that to him too. Also good for being me :). Now my defenses are kicking in and they are only letting me see all the things that are wrong with me seeing him. But I'm strong and I'm trying to do the opposit of what my fears are telling me to do but still what I want. It's a thin line between theese two.
And today I turned 26 and there is nothing to do about it. Feels good though! Everyone else is also old *mohahahahahah*
That was just a little update!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Being 26....
A short message to a person soon turning 26 from a person who turned 26 five weeks ago ;)First of all: don't worry, life is still te same when you're 26 (or is that something to worry about??)
Second: being single and 26 is trendy (or otherwise we will set the trend)
Third: They say that 40 is the new 30 (so then I think: 30 is the new 20, 20 is the new 10 which means that we are in our teens ;P )
Forth: F*ck age, it is nothing but a number (be 25 for the rest of your life)
Five: ...(this one is up to you)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Dear diary...
... I don't want to be worst than my dear dare angel friend. I have very much anciety for the moment and it's mostly because I feel like I'm standing in the same spot and not moving forward. I need change but I'm too afraid and I don't know wich change I should make. I've fallen in love with a man I can't be together with and that hurts a lot. I just feel alone and sad right now.
Dear dare angel friend, I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better. Thank good that you got that sorted out and took the help that was given to you. Lots of hugs
I've also found a video that has great lyrics and that I feel very close to.
Death cab for cuties at your service:
I will possess your heart
Sorry that I can't be any more hopefull today.
Dear dare angel friend, I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better. Thank good that you got that sorted out and took the help that was given to you. Lots of hugs
I've also found a video that has great lyrics and that I feel very close to.
Death cab for cuties at your service:
I will possess your heart
Sorry that I can't be any more hopefull today.
Dear diary...
...just because.Because I am in blogging-mood ;)Because I wanted to post and share this great song (especially the lyrics) for such a long time.
Eat, Pray, Love!
It seems like currently everyone is reading this book, I can imagine you are too. I received it for my birthday while I just had bought it for another friends' birthday who in turn also had received it twice...Anyway, normally I am not that much into these 'books-that-have been-recommended-by-Oprah-and-read-by-overhysterical-housewives'. Excuse me for this quite offending generalizing typification. And in the end: I have also read 'the secret' so maybe I am part of this group but I just don't want to admit it yet ;)
However this is different: Even though I have not read the whole book yet, I already feel like it came into my life at the right time. -As I interprete it- the writer is at a point in her life where she realizes she needs change and decides (and more importantly: DARES) to get rid of the secure life, the life that people expect you to be happy in. It encourages to take chance and not go the path that has already been paved for you.
To give you an update on my life: I have the feeling that at the moment I have found the peace that I needed for years. Of course I have not done that on my own. The combination of the haptonomist and medicines have given me a balance that I have not felt for years. It's so strange and I can't explain it. It sounds very philosophical I know, but I have the feeling that in many aspects in my life there is no need to hurry because no one expects me to (or at least should expect me to). I live my life the way I want to live my life and not the life of others.
Dear dare angel, how is your life at the moment?
To Dare Angel: Reaction on Test
Dear Dare partner, In response to your post on the other blog I decided to do the personality test too and this was my result. It's quite adequate compared to other tests I have taken. What do you think??
Your personality type:
Quietly forceful, original and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.
Careers that could fit you includes:
Counselors, clergy, missionaries, teachers, medical doctors, dentists, chiropractors, psychologists, psychiatrists, writers, musicians, artists, psychics, photographers, child care workers, education consultants, librarians, marketeers, scientists, social workers.
Your personality type:
Quietly forceful, original and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.
Careers that could fit you includes:
Counselors, clergy, missionaries, teachers, medical doctors, dentists, chiropractors, psychologists, psychiatrists, writers, musicians, artists, psychics, photographers, child care workers, education consultants, librarians, marketeers, scientists, social workers.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Dear diary today I dared to...
... flirt with someone I acctually have chemistry with and that I sort of like in a way. I start from the beginning.
Last zaturday I worked out on the streets by night. We have this market every year and that's a time when many young people drink alcohol. So we are alway out working then. Anyway i worked with this nice policeman. H´'s helped me before with policem mathers especially when my neighbor got crazy and ever since then he's been really kind to me.
We worked together in a couple of cases that evening and last night I thought that I maybe should thank him for a good communication and work and stuff so this morning I sent him a textmessage saying: thank u for zaterday evening. It's nice working with you and I would like to work like that more often and in the end I wrote hug.
And acctually it wasn't that hard. Because if you feel chemistry. you'll have it. Chemeistry you can only feel if its two feeling it... I think that if one feel chemistry the other does it too. But somethimes people get affraid to act on it because they only think negative thoughts and that is acctually mostly their problem!
And we have it. Anyway I didn't got a answere until after lunch and the funny thing was that i acctually rn in to him under lunch. He had a emergency case up at our work place so I walked buy him while he was talking on the phone. God! what a wibe!!
Anyway after his meeting i got this really nice textmessage back and I felt like a teenager... I was blushing, feeling dizzy, swetty and just stupidly smiling. And I wasn't at all listening to what my colluege was tellig me about at that moment.
I get happy when I see him. And he wrote back to me: It should be me that's thanking you. It's a pleasure working with you. I can always trust you - you are like a rock. I hope I'll get to work more with you in the future. I always get happy when I see you and today you made my day again. Hug
I don't know where that came from but I just knew that I needed to take a chans and send him something. Because I've felt a wibe for quite a while now. :)
And I've gained some happiness and boost! I haven't lost anything at all (yet)
Last zaturday I worked out on the streets by night. We have this market every year and that's a time when many young people drink alcohol. So we are alway out working then. Anyway i worked with this nice policeman. H´'s helped me before with policem mathers especially when my neighbor got crazy and ever since then he's been really kind to me.
We worked together in a couple of cases that evening and last night I thought that I maybe should thank him for a good communication and work and stuff so this morning I sent him a textmessage saying: thank u for zaterday evening. It's nice working with you and I would like to work like that more often and in the end I wrote hug.
And acctually it wasn't that hard. Because if you feel chemistry. you'll have it. Chemeistry you can only feel if its two feeling it... I think that if one feel chemistry the other does it too. But somethimes people get affraid to act on it because they only think negative thoughts and that is acctually mostly their problem!
And we have it. Anyway I didn't got a answere until after lunch and the funny thing was that i acctually rn in to him under lunch. He had a emergency case up at our work place so I walked buy him while he was talking on the phone. God! what a wibe!!
Anyway after his meeting i got this really nice textmessage back and I felt like a teenager... I was blushing, feeling dizzy, swetty and just stupidly smiling. And I wasn't at all listening to what my colluege was tellig me about at that moment.
I get happy when I see him. And he wrote back to me: It should be me that's thanking you. It's a pleasure working with you. I can always trust you - you are like a rock. I hope I'll get to work more with you in the future. I always get happy when I see you and today you made my day again. Hug
I don't know where that came from but I just knew that I needed to take a chans and send him something. Because I've felt a wibe for quite a while now. :)
And I've gained some happiness and boost! I haven't lost anything at all (yet)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Dear diary, yesterday I dared...
... to admit to myself that I needed help. This week I was supposed to leave for my trip to another city to do interviews for my thesis. However, last weekend was quite filled with two parties and this resulted in waking up with a huge cold and flu on Sunday. Just when you don't need it.....I had to cancel the interviews as I sounded like a person high on drugs.
For me this was the so-called last drop. Next to feeling sick, I felt like a looser not being able to be strong and just do the right things to finish my thesis. Some time ago I had been advised to go to a person called 'haptonomist'. This is a kind of personal coach who tries to balance your body and mind. Many athletes actually use the help of these kind of coaches.
I was very lucky because I could meet my coach today already. And this felt so good! I have talked for an hour and everything came out: my frustrations, fears...The nice thing is that the sessions are a combination of talking and touching (mind & body). I know it sounds weird but this really works.
The funny thing that came out of the first talk was that I have been treated all my life as 'that sweet little girl' by people and that I also act like that.I am so fed up with that, there is so much more! So from next week with the help of my coach I am going to change that. Don't know how though...Any suggestions?
For me this was the so-called last drop. Next to feeling sick, I felt like a looser not being able to be strong and just do the right things to finish my thesis. Some time ago I had been advised to go to a person called 'haptonomist'. This is a kind of personal coach who tries to balance your body and mind. Many athletes actually use the help of these kind of coaches.
I was very lucky because I could meet my coach today already. And this felt so good! I have talked for an hour and everything came out: my frustrations, fears...The nice thing is that the sessions are a combination of talking and touching (mind & body). I know it sounds weird but this really works.
The funny thing that came out of the first talk was that I have been treated all my life as 'that sweet little girl' by people and that I also act like that.I am so fed up with that, there is so much more! So from next week with the help of my coach I am going to change that. Don't know how though...Any suggestions?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Dear diary...
...this music is not a reflection of my state of mind. I just like it and want to share it ;) It reminds me of the place where I spend last year and the two times I went to a concert of the artist...Maybe it's nostalgia, I don't really know.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Dear diary...
... today I felt real pure happiness twice! But first I want to tell my partner in crime, yes you my sweet dare angel friend that I started to write a comment on your post on the blog. But then I desiced to whrite on the blog instead. you inspired me.
I've desided to try to not picture happiness only with a man by my side. My friends tells me love comes when you've giving up the thought of needing a man. I think I'm doing pretty nice, all though I've only tried for approxamatly 24 h. :)
But I felt real happiness when I read my friends post on this blog today. And something in me realized that love comes in many chapes. Don't worry I'm no lesbian, but I love you, my dear friend! And it feels good not being out there alone in this love djungle.
De second time I got happy to day and my heart felt the warmth of love was when my dear friend E called. We just talked about the usual stuff and I didn't feel alone.
You are so right about running, it's really good for the heart, brain, mind and body. Off course. I wish I didn't had to take it easy this week. :( I have no idea what that diseace do to your body, you have to explain to me in a email or something.
Take care... a big godnighthug from me to you!
I've desided to try to not picture happiness only with a man by my side. My friends tells me love comes when you've giving up the thought of needing a man. I think I'm doing pretty nice, all though I've only tried for approxamatly 24 h. :)
But I felt real happiness when I read my friends post on this blog today. And something in me realized that love comes in many chapes. Don't worry I'm no lesbian, but I love you, my dear friend! And it feels good not being out there alone in this love djungle.
De second time I got happy to day and my heart felt the warmth of love was when my dear friend E called. We just talked about the usual stuff and I didn't feel alone.
You are so right about running, it's really good for the heart, brain, mind and body. Off course. I wish I didn't had to take it easy this week. :( I have no idea what that diseace do to your body, you have to explain to me in a email or something.
Take care... a big godnighthug from me to you!
Dear diary, today I dared...
...to start running again! The last weeks I started to feel that my pants were too tight, my so-called 'love handles' were appearing again. Oh, how I hate those bumps on my hips! Since I stopped dancing and sit behind the computer all day, it was not really a big surprise.
Running has always been a good exercise even though I suck at it because I can't even run for 5 minutes! Anyway, today I couldn't take my feeling of being fat and lazy anymore and I jumped on my bike and went to a forest nearby. There I ran for about 45 minutes. Of course I got punished for my good behaviour when in the middle of an open field it started raining really bad. I was totally soaked. However, it felt so good! Exercise is not only good for the body but even better for the mind and I needed it.
The last weeks have been good. I have arranged interviews for my thesis with some important people and will travel there next week. I have passed my last exam. The 'bla-bla guy' has not contacted me in two weeks. Next weekend will bring two parties and I went for shopping therapy last weekend and bought a nice leather jacket and cute shoes.....
The only thing that maybe worries me a little is that I have had blood tests in the past week and they think I might have a disease called hyperthyroidism. Don't worry! It sounds terrible, but it's not that bad. You know, I would be relieved if it turns out that I have it because it explains so much! For example my feelings of total stress in my body which always get in the way of so many things.
So overall: Life is good!! Hope for you life is good too, my dear dare angel....
Running has always been a good exercise even though I suck at it because I can't even run for 5 minutes! Anyway, today I couldn't take my feeling of being fat and lazy anymore and I jumped on my bike and went to a forest nearby. There I ran for about 45 minutes. Of course I got punished for my good behaviour when in the middle of an open field it started raining really bad. I was totally soaked. However, it felt so good! Exercise is not only good for the body but even better for the mind and I needed it.
The last weeks have been good. I have arranged interviews for my thesis with some important people and will travel there next week. I have passed my last exam. The 'bla-bla guy' has not contacted me in two weeks. Next weekend will bring two parties and I went for shopping therapy last weekend and bought a nice leather jacket and cute shoes.....
The only thing that maybe worries me a little is that I have had blood tests in the past week and they think I might have a disease called hyperthyroidism. Don't worry! It sounds terrible, but it's not that bad. You know, I would be relieved if it turns out that I have it because it explains so much! For example my feelings of total stress in my body which always get in the way of so many things.
So overall: Life is good!! Hope for you life is good too, my dear dare angel....
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A Message to 'bitter-Berit'
I think I am being haunted by my own ‘bitter-Berit’ for years now, (maybe I should call her ‘defensive-Diane’ or something hihi)
I recognize the issues written down in the previous post. In many of my decisions I am totally trusting my inner-voice and it tells me that a guy is absolutely not my type. The arguments brought up by my inner-voice for him being not my type are partly stupid: the one time you met him he was talking crap (still, I think this is quite a legal argument), his way of asking you out was sooo cheesy, he has almost only girls reacting on his networking page so he should be a player, he is 28 years old and still single so there should be something wrong….and so on. So many thoughts…And it makes me build up a wall around me and create a defensive attitude.
Regarding the example of being in a car and passing these exits, maybe you should also ask yourself these questions: What if you take one of these exits on the highway? Where will these exits eventually lead to? It could be that you will come to a dead-end.
Wouldn’t it be better to turn off your thoughts and just go? I wish it was that easy…
Yesterday I had this talk with a friend of mine and she reminded me of the fact that I have nothing to lose. She told me to just go on a date and see. But to me that is already a big step while again that little voice in my head tells me that he will see it as a sign that I like him. On the other hand my consciousness tells me that this will be about the fourth time in a year that I will reject a guy before I have even taken the effort to get to know him better. I am afraid that I have created a prince charming in my head which simply doesn’t exist. I am waiting for the same feeling and connection that I feel with that guy thousands of kilometres away from me. And I am afraid that I will not feel that with any other guy anymore.
Maybe it’s time to declare war to these ‘bitter-Berits’ because really: what do we have to lose? And about your date: don’t worry about it, just go! You never know how it is when you don’t try….Afterwards you can say if it was a good move or not. If it was not: you learn from it. (I know, this all sounds sooo cheesy) Most importantly: the road is not one-way, you can always turn around!
(It’s easy to write this down, but now I will also have to convince my alter-ego when it comes to my date…)
I recognize the issues written down in the previous post. In many of my decisions I am totally trusting my inner-voice and it tells me that a guy is absolutely not my type. The arguments brought up by my inner-voice for him being not my type are partly stupid: the one time you met him he was talking crap (still, I think this is quite a legal argument), his way of asking you out was sooo cheesy, he has almost only girls reacting on his networking page so he should be a player, he is 28 years old and still single so there should be something wrong….and so on. So many thoughts…And it makes me build up a wall around me and create a defensive attitude.
Regarding the example of being in a car and passing these exits, maybe you should also ask yourself these questions: What if you take one of these exits on the highway? Where will these exits eventually lead to? It could be that you will come to a dead-end.
Wouldn’t it be better to turn off your thoughts and just go? I wish it was that easy…
Yesterday I had this talk with a friend of mine and she reminded me of the fact that I have nothing to lose. She told me to just go on a date and see. But to me that is already a big step while again that little voice in my head tells me that he will see it as a sign that I like him. On the other hand my consciousness tells me that this will be about the fourth time in a year that I will reject a guy before I have even taken the effort to get to know him better. I am afraid that I have created a prince charming in my head which simply doesn’t exist. I am waiting for the same feeling and connection that I feel with that guy thousands of kilometres away from me. And I am afraid that I will not feel that with any other guy anymore.
Maybe it’s time to declare war to these ‘bitter-Berits’ because really: what do we have to lose? And about your date: don’t worry about it, just go! You never know how it is when you don’t try….Afterwards you can say if it was a good move or not. If it was not: you learn from it. (I know, this all sounds sooo cheesy) Most importantly: the road is not one-way, you can always turn around!
(It’s easy to write this down, but now I will also have to convince my alter-ego when it comes to my date…)
Monday, September 15, 2008
Dear diary...
.. I know I'm supose to write things I dare but to day I freaked out and I'm wondering if I ever will find some one så perfect to be my prince charming.
I've told you about my up coming date this weekend and i felt so good and easygoing about the whole thing until 3,5 hours ago. After I talked to him. I have now a huge anxiety thats making me sweat and feel dizzy. How can I in one our feel that sparkling feeling in my stumach and the next moment just get out of my mind?
So I've read this book about relationship and ways to find a close loving relationship and stay with it. I can at least say I have issues with this! In the book they hade this great adwises what to do and one was about a car on the highway.
I should imagine I sat in a car driving on the highway and my only task was to keep driving and not turn off. On my right side I would se this signs with messages on it. The massages are reflections of my negative thoughts and I would read thm BUT not act on them.
So I'm amagine this now. I'm driving towards a unknown goal and all I have to do is to keep driving. I read the signs and this are the messages:
He is too young for you, he lives in Å - it says it all, he knows some of my former daters, he is a mothers son, he can't cook, he's probably not that active to do stuff, He'll be like my ex-boyfriend (bad thing), he will fool me and laugh behind my back, he just want to get layed, people around us will think`i'm weird being with a younger guy, if it's not working out I might to have to move, ofcorse he wouldn't like me, I'll get boored adventually and then I would hurt him anyway, I can't iagine us together, it feels wrong--then it is wrong, Logic, girl! Listen to yourself, turn away from the highway ore you'll be hurt. Listen to me, you are a fool, offcorse he doesn't like you and if he does he doesn't know what he's getting in to, maybe you should just spare him...ok?! Turn the next off before it's too late and you are stuck with a kid and a unsmart guy, You ar cheap, worthless and hopeless - accept that you are going to spend your life alone, because this is pathetic.
Holy banoly! That's a lot of negative thoughts and it's the first time I've wrote them down like this and can read them. I need to change this...There'll never be a guy perfect enough to be my prince charming.
I had this alter ego that I call bitter-Berit. Once upon a lifetime I created her to save me from getting hurt. And she helped me a lot, but the thing is that she now a days not only is saving me but protecting me from living life. And that's not what I want. I want love, I want to find true and longlasting love.
Please help me! Do you dear readers have any tip for me?
I've told you about my up coming date this weekend and i felt so good and easygoing about the whole thing until 3,5 hours ago. After I talked to him. I have now a huge anxiety thats making me sweat and feel dizzy. How can I in one our feel that sparkling feeling in my stumach and the next moment just get out of my mind?
So I've read this book about relationship and ways to find a close loving relationship and stay with it. I can at least say I have issues with this! In the book they hade this great adwises what to do and one was about a car on the highway.
I should imagine I sat in a car driving on the highway and my only task was to keep driving and not turn off. On my right side I would se this signs with messages on it. The massages are reflections of my negative thoughts and I would read thm BUT not act on them.
So I'm amagine this now. I'm driving towards a unknown goal and all I have to do is to keep driving. I read the signs and this are the messages:
He is too young for you, he lives in Å - it says it all, he knows some of my former daters, he is a mothers son, he can't cook, he's probably not that active to do stuff, He'll be like my ex-boyfriend (bad thing), he will fool me and laugh behind my back, he just want to get layed, people around us will think`i'm weird being with a younger guy, if it's not working out I might to have to move, ofcorse he wouldn't like me, I'll get boored adventually and then I would hurt him anyway, I can't iagine us together, it feels wrong--then it is wrong, Logic, girl! Listen to yourself, turn away from the highway ore you'll be hurt. Listen to me, you are a fool, offcorse he doesn't like you and if he does he doesn't know what he's getting in to, maybe you should just spare him...ok?! Turn the next off before it's too late and you are stuck with a kid and a unsmart guy, You ar cheap, worthless and hopeless - accept that you are going to spend your life alone, because this is pathetic.
Holy banoly! That's a lot of negative thoughts and it's the first time I've wrote them down like this and can read them. I need to change this...There'll never be a guy perfect enough to be my prince charming.
I had this alter ego that I call bitter-Berit. Once upon a lifetime I created her to save me from getting hurt. And she helped me a lot, but the thing is that she now a days not only is saving me but protecting me from living life. And that's not what I want. I want love, I want to find true and longlasting love.
Please help me! Do you dear readers have any tip for me?
Monday, September 8, 2008
Dear diary today I dared to
send a facebook email to a guy that I would like to get to know. I sent: Hey, I think it would be cool if we could hang out some time. I'm busy this weekend but next zaterday evening I'm free. He answered in 20 minutes: Sure, it'll be fun. I'm going away this weekend but next I think I'm free. I answered: Great! Then maybe you could call me next week so we can deside a little bit more.
I was really scared and my coworker had to push the sendbutton because at first I didn't dare to do it. I'm afraid that he would make a fool out of me to his friends. My coworker asked me why he would do that. And if he would he's not the guy for you. He's smart :) I used to be smart too, but I don't know what happend.
My dear dare angel friend how's everything going for you?
I was really scared and my coworker had to push the sendbutton because at first I didn't dare to do it. I'm afraid that he would make a fool out of me to his friends. My coworker asked me why he would do that. And if he would he's not the guy for you. He's smart :) I used to be smart too, but I don't know what happend.
My dear dare angel friend how's everything going for you?
Dear diary, today I dared to...
...call the dermatologist to cancel a facial peeling I was supposed to undergo next month. Since a few years I have had problems with my skin. I hated my big red nose with its huge pories (I always call it 'the strawberry on my face') and decided last spring to have a consult at the dermatologist. She advised me to go to a cosmetic dermatologist to have a facial peeling. This peeling consisted of a substance being put on my face and burning the upper layer of my skin so new skin would appear (I know, it sounds masochistic). Two weeks prior to the actual peeling I had to start using these cremes and after the peeling I would have a swollen face and was advised to use painkillers for one week. I also signed a contract which stated that I was aware about possible side effects. My god, now I am writing all these things down it even looks more crazy that I even thought about doing this!
Last months several friends told me not to do it while they didn't see the use of it. However, the real doubt came when even the lady of the tanning salon where I weekly go to told me that I really shouldn't do it because it was not necessary at all. I mean, she is a person that I don't even know very well, but her words were more trusting than those of all the others.
I do understand it when people decide to have cosmetic surgery or cosmetic changes of any kind, because it can raise confidence. I always compare it to the moment I got rid of my glasses and started wearing lenses. My dancing teacher one day told me she thought I showed so much more confidence since I was wearing those.
Still, I also realize that it is society that creates the beauty ideal and indirectly causes people deciding to turn to cosmetic surgery etc. There are these sayings like 'there is much more than what meets the eye'. I totally agree, but in reality the first impression often is the decisive one. Ok, I'm getting too philosophical here, I just think that feeling comfortable with how you look adds more to your appearance than any cosmetic change so I realize I have to work on that instead of turning to these artificial changes.
Last months several friends told me not to do it while they didn't see the use of it. However, the real doubt came when even the lady of the tanning salon where I weekly go to told me that I really shouldn't do it because it was not necessary at all. I mean, she is a person that I don't even know very well, but her words were more trusting than those of all the others.
I do understand it when people decide to have cosmetic surgery or cosmetic changes of any kind, because it can raise confidence. I always compare it to the moment I got rid of my glasses and started wearing lenses. My dancing teacher one day told me she thought I showed so much more confidence since I was wearing those.
Still, I also realize that it is society that creates the beauty ideal and indirectly causes people deciding to turn to cosmetic surgery etc. There are these sayings like 'there is much more than what meets the eye'. I totally agree, but in reality the first impression often is the decisive one. Ok, I'm getting too philosophical here, I just think that feeling comfortable with how you look adds more to your appearance than any cosmetic change so I realize I have to work on that instead of turning to these artificial changes.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Dear diary today I dared to...
...stop and think before I acted om my feelings. You know sometimes bad things can be compared to real good chocolate. It's easy to take a piece without thinking but as soon as you taste it you just want more. And afterwards you get anxiety because once again you're stuck with you hand in the cookie jar - Wondering what the heck happend.
But today I stopped and thought about my options and consequences before I tasted that good sweet loving chocolate. And somewhere in my bright mind I realized that if I would fall for temptation I'd be very disapointed in myself and I would feel stupid. Because I've made this really good choices lately, that I'm proud of.
Chocolate is nice but it lasts for approximately five seconds before you have to take an other piece.
But today I stopped and thought about my options and consequences before I tasted that good sweet loving chocolate. And somewhere in my bright mind I realized that if I would fall for temptation I'd be very disapointed in myself and I would feel stupid. Because I've made this really good choices lately, that I'm proud of.
Chocolate is nice but it lasts for approximately five seconds before you have to take an other piece.
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